WANNA HAVE A GOOD TIME IN INDIA? guidelines for stay, food, woman traveling alone, good sex, marriage

welcome to India!

We were sitting at the Avni Dinning hall of the Hotel Sea View at Alibaug on the western coast of Maharastra and enjoying a south Indian hearty breakfast of steaming hot Idlis (mildly salted rice and lantil flour of pancakes) topped with Sambhar (hot lentil and tomato curry) when Tommy Singh broke my focus on food and suddenly asked me,

'Don't you think that foreigners face problems here?'
What sort of problems?,' I questioned him a bit puzzled.

ON STAY:
'I mean lodging, boarding, transport and other related problems', pointed Tommy Singh.

'Foreign tourists come here and for that reason to any exotic places in India to get away from the maddening crowd and to be a part of the nature to seek tranquility and peace. For a life time experience; otherwise they can go to any 5 star resort in their own country or here in India. If the objective is lesser known paradises in India then you got to adjust a bit in comforts. Yes. Be a bit adventurous! And in most of the places in India you have reasonably good hotels.'

ON FOOD:
'But what about food? They may not get western food.'
'So what?' I interjected. 'You can always ask for a vegetarian or a non vegetarian food of your choice without much of oil, spices or chillies. In Alibaug for example you get one of the best sea food!' I pointed out to Tommy Singh.

ON SICKNESS:
'Some tourists complain of "Bad Tummy" in India. What do you think of that?'
'Come on Tommy! If you over indulge yourself and kick off the normal caution then you are bound to have problems in any country, why pick India only?', I counter questioned Tommy. I can understand that the great variety of road side cuisine and delicious non vegetarian tandoori dishes are mouth watering but follow the simple rule-don't over do it and avoid road side food.

'But suppose somebody falls sick while trekking or while on the road traveling or in a village then what should he/she do?'
'A/
He/She should have a first aid box containing medicines, creams, sprays and adhesive strips for cuts, wounds, sprains, cold, fever, bad tummy, motion sickness, acidity as per the advise of a doctor.
B/Most of the larger villages have a Primary Health Centers with a qualified doctor who may live in the village. Contact him. If such doctor is not available then don't panic. There are some qualified Ayurvedic(Herbal) doctors who can take care of emergencies and can give you drugs till you reach to a larger town.
Pharmacists on the way can also help you. He is a half doctor and you can get medicines without a prescription!'

ON A WOMAN TRAVELING ALONE;
'Occasionally we hear in the news of a foreign woman traveling alone exposed to harassment and there had been some rape cases reported. What do you think of that?'

'Yes, there are some cases. Though the media hype is also responsible to an extent. Statistically, the percentage of such cases to the number of tourists visiting India is not significant compared to the other countries. However, this does not and should not justify a crime and it should be stopped. Objectively, if you analyze, Indian culture is different and in many places people have not seen a white woman, a blond scantly dressed or a white woman wondering aimlessly in the night. There is therefore a possibility that such tourists would be stared upon and if people get a smiling response, it may be misunderstood. Then the porn movies and videos have their own corrupting effect on the young minds.'

I paused ans asked waiter to pour some more coffee

Tommy Singh looked at me and said, 'you seem to be over protecting our country, Kiran.'

'Yes and No,' I said. ' A, who would not? and B,no. A wrong should be condemned and a guilty should be punished. All I'm trying to tell you is to follow certain norms and precautions whenever you visit an alien land.'

ON GUIDELINES:
'And what are those guidelines?'

• ' Do your home work thoroughly before you leave
• Check credentials of of tour operators, read reviews on places, hotels, restaurants etc.
• I would prefer state government tourism corporations for the source of information and arrangements especially if you are on limited budget
• A woman tourist should preferably be in a group. However, if alone, don't worry, inform your embassy, police, hotel, friends on your itinerary and whereabouts. Dress conservatively. Avoid too short tops and bottoms exposing your body especially if you are on a street or in a crowded bus or a train. Avoid throwing unnecessary smiles on strangers or trying to make them your friends. Move purposefully as if you know very well where to go what to see and whom to talk. This will keep wrong people away from you.
• Never deal with touts. If you land at a place and don't know anything head for an Inquiry Booth at railway station or at an airport. Or if worst comes to, then head to the nearest police station-they will help you.
• Keep emergency contact telephone numbers eg police contact no. in the most of the Indian towns is "100"
• Let me conclude these guidelines by stressing that by and large India is an extremely hospitable country with people who consider a visitor "A God visiting their homes" and they will do everything to make his or her stay comfortable and pleasant'

ON HAVING A GOOD SEX:
' What about foreigners wanting to have good sex in India?'

'The prostitution is illegal in India. So watch out! Don't be on the wrong side of the law in an alien country,' I said with a serious tone.

'But if somebody is bent upon and is crazy...'
'Give a hand job to your baton!...or (though I don't recommend) you can get a lady guest as an "escort" in your 5 star hotel room for a "massage" but don't try anything in these wonderful and virgin rural settings...you have to face a wrath of the local people if any thing goes wrong!'

ON MARRYING AN INDIAN:
'What about marrying an Indian girl or an Indian male?' asked Tommy Singh picking up his things as a sign of eventually closing this subject

' Oh, yes! The Indian girls are beautiful, intelligent, loyal and truly caring! There are many honest matrimonial sites and can have your bride in a few weeks. The same is true for the Indian males. They turn out to be great husbands and dependable guys!' I said getting up.

Tommy Singh chuckled.

We moved towards our car excited on the prospects of a journey to the captivating beaches and forts of the coastal Maharastra.